I don't know why I'm drawn to the damaged and wounded. Perhaps I'm trying to amend things in other people's lives to prove to a girl I don't even speak to anymore than I'm good, and whatever happened years ago were honest mistakes that happen to all teenagers. But what hurts is that they end up disappointing me, mostly through their own self-destruction.
I threw you the obvious and you flew with it on your back,
a name in your recollection,
thrown down among a million same.
Difficult not to feel a little bit disappointed…
And passed over…
When I've looked right through to see you,
naked and oblivious.
And you don't... see... me.
But I threw you the obvious,
just to see if there's more behind the eyes of a fallen angel.
The eyes of a tragedy.
Here I am expecting just a little bit too much from the wounded,
but I see through it all, and I see you.
So I threw you the obvious, to see what occurs behind the eyes of a fallen angel.
Eyes of a tragedy.
Oh, well. Apparently nothing.
Sometimes I wonder if I ever truly liked them as people, or if they were only emotional investments to prove how much of a "good friend" or "good boyfriend" I could be. Interims, you could say, or a test of how much I can push into the right direction. It's confusing and it makes me wish that feelings were much more clear instead of gray and blurry. One I miss tremendously, the other, well, the thought of her infuriates me.
I try to fix things and get frustrated with myself when they don't turn out in a good way. A man without any spirituality, I think that love is the closest thing you can get to divinity. Did I ever truly love them? If one wasn't a drug addict, and the other wasn't such a destructive mess, would I think about them any better? Or would the experiences that followed us forever alter my perception of them?
Is there more behind the eyes of fallen angels, or are some people just doomed to commit the mistakes that they have been trying to run away from?
