In Shadows Growing Wings

Insecurity, my greatest weakness.

In this year I have shredded every single mite of such disease that was left on my body when I was discarded and left to pray for rain. And when I'm God - the rain as commanded arrived.

When you live in an emotionally abusive household from the age of 13 until the day of freedom, the night before the 18th birthday, though you may survive, the remnants of such horrible torture can still infect your mind. Always questioning yourself, questioning your worth, never being enough in your imagination for whoever casts eyes on you, and the torturous feeling of unwarranted guilt.

And to enter the work force with the purest intentions, to only be eaten alive by predators with fake smiles and mile long personal agendas. You don't need to be in a war to see the ugly side of human nature, it occurs on a daily basis on every street corner, and every place which makes a dollar. Putting feathers up your ass doesn't make you a chicken, and wearing the aesthetic of concern like a good guy badge doesn't change an employer's actions.

I scorn and spit upon the masses who are dull enough to have their sensory abilities be sugared upon and sweetened to the point of blindness.  Undefiled wisdom is the true virtue in acquiring knowledge, even if the information gathered frightens you.

Test everything! Believe nothing.

In shadows growing wings, I was an innocent boy looking for home, and I was in a cocoon in the form of a cave - and now I have risen. Overneath.

Day of the Dead

"Sing a hymn for the dead, because in death as in life, we are one in the same. Sing a hymn for the world, to avert eugenic errors, go!" - Anti Flag

If there was a child still left in me, he would be praying to make those lyrics come back to life. But the truth is that with age and experience you begin to see the world for the way that it truly is - a violent struggle for resources. This is not limited to physical war, within society Social Darwinism thrives everywhere, from your local bank or the coffee shop down the street.

It makes me sick to the stomach that we are forced to conform to standards of a corporation and allow them to twist and destroy our psyche to turn out profit, and if I am destined to be enslaved by an entity, I damn well sure want to check all of my options.

People object to military service because they are afraid of death, but most fail to realize that you cannot escape death - it is all around you. What's to stop cancer from infecting your body, or the sharp steel of a car crash plundering into your skin?

Then there are pacifists who object to war because they do not like conflict. What's to stop you from causing conflict here in the civilian world? Are you not purchasing products that contribute to corporations that have more power than most world nations? Are you not paying taxes which contribute to the military–industrial complex? Do you not wish ill on whomever wishes to take your romantic partner? If you apply for a job, do you care about the other applicants lives?

Man is a beast of prey, history proves that man is a beast of prey.

I'm just ahead of the curve.

Resuscitation of a Dead Man

This year in particular has been difficult for me because I wanted to be overneath those who drown in childhood trauma and weakness. For personal reasons I cannot disclose, I willingly entered into situations and events which I have always been afraid of, and examined myself and the way I react to such environments. Facing your fears, in my opinion, is the best combat against inner weakness.

Covered in bruises and injuries, I made it to the other side. There's not much that I can show for it externally, but coincidentally, part of not giving a fuck if you believe me or not is an example of my success.

Now that my tasks have been completed, it is safe to announce that I will be joining the Armed Forces. Last year I thought I was disqualified for eczema - but upon further examination, it wasn't that. I had slept with a girl who gave me scabies. Very similar fuckin' symptoms.

I look at the phrase "resuscitation of a dead man" and do not immediately think bringing somebody back to life, but instead bringing back a person ready to die. The most prime example of my rise this year is - I will not permit myself to drown in such abysmal pessimism.

November's word is CONTROL, and I am in control. The phrase means "the WILL to live."

So it is done.

J. Favenris

I don't do drugs. I don't worship the Devil. I'm an atheist who isn't afraid to question norms, and critical thinking would be described as my finest ability.

Sometimes I like to talk quite poetically, and fall into a lot of metaphors and allegorical writing. I can be emotional and write occasional "emo" bullshit.

I'm very worried about what people think of me because I am terrified of being misinterpreted. I am not afraid of being an asshole, I just want to only be seen as an asshole when I intend on being an asshole.

I'm not the best at socializing. I can be kind of awkward, and don't easily fit in with most groups of people.

Looking at my blog, I think people will look at me as some kind of weirdo talking about shit like "ravage", "war", "devour", and "slaughter."

That's all poetic, shit, man.

I'm a middle-class 21 year old Libertarian-ish atheist who is into the occult, dark imagery, and counterculture.

My biggest vice is probably being a bit too lazy for my own potential, or being too emo.

But I'm not ashamed of who I am, all I'm afraid of is stepping on your toes. So if I do, let me know, because if I like you, I'll apologize and step back. And if I don't, then I'll press my foot down harder.

"For a change, I'll refrain from hiding of all of me from you."