Haunted by the Light

 

Burials Pt. I (Introduction)

It was in the dark, and I was breathing into the mirror. My reflection began to blur, almost morph, and I knew there was nothing to be afraid of, but regardless, the image scared me. I knew I was turning older, wiser, and into something, someone, else. There’s many benefits that come with age, but unfortunately it is also one step closer to death. I finished my meditation and walked out the door.

There was an urge for me to walk, so I entered into the cold night and the song “A Deep Slow Panic” sent shivers down my spine. The new album by AFI named “Burials” was just recently released and my synchronicity with the theme and content manner was shocking. I needed to go to the Lovecraft bar for some reason. It was like an instinct.

There was something within me that was almost being led by the sky above. The melodies were like liquid electricity, and I had an urge to scream, cut, shout, or fuck. Letting go of counterproductive pride, I texted Alexis back and we spoke for a while. Our conversation shall remain private, but it was highly cathartic. I passed by a freemason building and felt an eery feeling, almost as if the grand architect himself was trying to send me a sign. I brushed the feeling away as a delusion, but then again, to any psychiatrist, spirituality is a delusion.

After I crossed the Hawthorne bridge, I looked up at the large and orange moon and wondered what existed beyond our sensory systems. It’s impossible to know, and there’s many groups of humans that have organized ideas and concepts, but then again, with such method of thinking, the possibilities of what this is all about are endless. Prayer or worship doesn’t accomplish anything, it is merely fierce will. If that’s not a higher power, I don’t know what the fuck is.

I started a conversation with a homeless man at a gas station on route. He was wearing a shirt or pants supporting the Navy and said that it was done out of respect for someone in his family. When I asked how he supported himself, he told me that he goes to a local church and assists in exchange for food. There was shame in me for tolerating “holier than thou” douchebags in my life who exhibit hypocritical behavior that makes them feel superior to this individual, yet cling to their good-guy badge. He wasn’t any part of my responsibility, but I surprised him with a few dollars anyway before stepping away.

Inside the bar I struck an enlightening conversation with the bartender. The room was illuminated by gorgeous and haunting blue and green lights, and there weren’t many people there yet. Fog filled the room lightly, and I could still feel the lifeforce from the night prior. We spoke about Dr. LaVey and I explained to her the concept of a total environment, which is an artificial environment designed to enrapture an individual’s imagination towards a particular concept, whether it be a real or imaginary location, a time period, or a situation. The Lovecraft bar was a portal into another world, you could literally smell it in the air. I have had many good experiences here.

And the best one walked through the door.

As I finished my drink, I looked at the girl next to me and she was talking to the bartender, explaining how this was her first time here, and how much she admired it already. A deep slow panic struck me, and before she had the opportunity to pay for her beverage, I put it on my tab.

And that is how I was introduced to V.

Happiness In Revenge

The symbol of Baphomet was used by the Knights Templar to represent Satan. Through the ages this symbol has been called by many different names. Among these are: The Goat of Mendes, The Goat of a Thousand Young, The Black Goat, The Judas Goat, and perhaps the most appropriately, The Scapegoat.

Baphomet represents the Powers of Darkness combined with the generative fertility of the goat. In its "pure" form the pentagram is shown encompassing the figure of a man in the five points of the star - three points up, two pointing down - symbolizing man's spiritual nature. In Satanism the pentagram is also used, but since Satanism represents the carnal instincts of man, or the opposite of spiritual nature, the pentagram is inverted to perfectly accomodate the head of the goat - its horns, representing duality, thrust upwards in defiance; the other three points inverted, or the trinity denied. The Hebraic figures around the outer circle of the symbol which stem from the magical teachings of the Kabala, spell out "Leviathan", the serpent of the watery abyss, and identified with Satan. These figures correspond to the five points of the inverted star.

- Book of Belial, The Satanic Bible. ASL

Beyond Good & Evil

What is Lesser Magic?

Satanic Magic as defined by Dr. LaVey is "the change in situations or events in accordance with one's will, which would, using normally accepted methods, be unchangeable." There are two kinds: Lesser Magic, day to day social manipulation, and Greater Magic, introspective manipulation in a fantasy state of mind to be therapeutic psychodrama, which some people believe (including the author of this blog through empirical evidence) to cause effect in the real world. The latter will be covered in a future post, but today's writing will be about my respect for the natural practitioners of Lesser Magic...

Most people don't realize they use Lesser Magic in an almost daily basis. If you ever dress nicely for a job interview, or wear a handsome particular attire when going on a first date, you are using social manipulation to reach a specific result. Satanists and De-facto Satanists (those with Satanic attributes that either do not know about the religion or chose not to apply the label to themselves) are adepts in this art either consciously or unconsciously.

They don't just wear a nice shirt when up for an interview or a short skirt when they are trying to seduce - they speak, act, give scent, and position themselves to best enchant and manipulate the victim to their Will. You can be hideous and exaggerate your appearance to the point in where you can frighten someone into acting a particular way you want them to, or if you look "sweet" and "innocent" capitalize on that and make yourself look as harmless and sentimental as possible, making ulterior actions much more hidden.

Say you are a healthy fit female looking to seduce a man - a sexy set of clothes isn't the only tool you can use for your magic. Scent is another powerful tool. A healthy and fit human gives off a natural sweat that the opposite sex or homosexual will be turned on by. Or say should you desire to intimidate someone to do as you want, positioning your neck slightly upward and widening your eyes and looking at your prey with a blank look (as if you are looking through them) is a scientifically proven body language maneuver assuming dominance. The Satanic Witch gives more information and tips about LaVey's personal "bag of tricks" should this subject interest you further.

My respect for these magicians is grand, especially if they are self-aware of their actions and hold no remorse. Humans have always lived in a social darwinistic struggle for survival, and just because we are no longer beating each other with sticks and rocks (in the Western world, at least) it doesn't change our inherent combative nature. The AT&T salesman downtown is given bonuses for the more regional programs he is able to support with customers ("make 'em buy this phone, or buy this package"), the Fortune 500 employee can get a quicker promotion against equally skilled employees by gaining favoritism from his supervisor, or escape a speeding ticket by manipulating the police officer the right way. The examples are limitless, but a Satanic magician is one who is self-aware of this power and works to perfect it as a skill.

Women by nature are most often adepts in this skill as their best mode of offense in the natural world has been through the control of emotion rather than brute force. This is not to limit their gender to "social manipulation" but rather applaud a naturally occurring talent, such as a man has a naturally occurring talent of stronger muscles than his opposite sex counterpart. We all use Lesser Magic to an extent, and better understanding our nature and worshipping it, rather than condemning it, will provide the aspiring magician advantage over people still trapped in self-defeating guilt and shame.

The Face of God

‎"The strength of women comes from the fact that psychology cannot explain us. Men can be analyzed, women... merely adored." - Wilde

"To be loved, feelings must be rationed. To love, the doors of hysteria, fantasy, and madness may be flung open." - Anton LaVey

All of the Lights

"ALL OF THE LIGHTS, EVERY NIGHT. ALL OF THE LIGHTS."

My life is an iridescent heaven. It's not so much due to what I acquired, but rather the very fact that I dreamt something and brought it to fruition. I was a child, then a teen, and now an adult. At this very moment I am "in a Portland coffee shop, typing out a new blog post on my computer, and enjoying the sound of gentle delicate rain on the window" and it is not even September.

This is still only the beginning. Very well could I construct a sentence that perfectly outlines what I have to say, but our dear friend Friedrich W. Nietzsche has already articulated it for me...

"Not contentment, but more power; not peace at any price, but war; not virtue, but efficiency... What is good? All that heightens the feeling of power in man, the will to power."

...as has my dark father Dr. LaVey, "Magic: The change in situations or events in accordance with one's will, which would, using normally accepted methods, be unchangeable."

But for now, I breathe in these seconds, the seconds of a foggy afternoon, with damp trees, a gray sky, beautiful women and intelligent men walking down the street, a state more in tune with nature and devoid of commercialism and fame, and a city that welcomed me  like a new friend.

I feel at home.

Waiting for the End

I'm a couple of hours from leaving California. I have lived here my entire life and been out of state very few times. About two years ago I made the decision to move to Portland, but there were too many things holding me back. Work, relationships, family, obligations. It was as if these things were an umbilical cord holding me back from growing into the person I want to be.

And now I've finally managed to work those piles of paper on my desk and get to the place I want. There wasn't a single person helping me along the way. I don't have parents to pay for my college costs, they don't give me a job at their place of employment, they don't pay my rent or buy me a car. Absolutely everything that I have acquired has been through my own hard work, and I remember feeling frustrated and worried that once I received the fruit of my labor, I wouldn't appreciate it. But I do.

7. Acknowledge the power of magic if you have employed it successfully to obtain your desires. If you deny the power of magic after having called upon it with success, you will lose all you have obtained.

What I'm experiencing is a feeling of incineration into some sort of final stage in my life. It's as if I'm inflamed amongst a languid herd, rising upward and onward. Life is a never ending opportunity to make yourself better.

The Apartment Ritual

An old poem I found that I wrote during the summer. As I have invited many of my personal friends to visit this site on leisure, I'll continue to post more archived writings I find.

The Apartment Ritual

Anxiety flashes in the shape of a twitch

Every inch of skin glowing at the sound of the phone

Vibrant and attentive like pupils

and asphyxiation as her lust flashes in my ear

Yesterday I held a thanatophobia shape

but tonight she's a corpse

"When you breathe in the fumes,

does the Holocaust elucidate your violent mind?"

I question as I obey natural course

"Pretty As A Swastika" in the stereo system and it starts

With every lick and every kiss I burn a Christmas picture

Burn offerings for the night of June 7th

Reflection on fangs, not a whisper

"let me show you where it hurts" is intended

A thrust, was her moan to be attentive?

Every guitar riff, every synth drum, she drives further.

And I fuck furiously burning like the heart of anger

And heart beats, and beats, and beats,

Until I end the ritual with "So it is done."

Wolfsangel

One of my most cherished symbols and when the time is right, will be placed on my skin.

"The Wolf’s Hook represents the Yew tree (Yggdrasil - The World Tree). It connects the three Norse realms; the heavens or consciousness, the humanity or life, and Hell or death. It’s shape (when on its vertical axis) connects all three, with roots in Hell, branches in the heavens and the crossing point ( or balance point) in the human realm. Like the arms of the Baphomet, one up, the other down (as above so below) both proximal ends connecting the human element. The synthesis of opposing forces in a balanced environment; communication between the extremes.

Much of the Wolf’s Hook symbology is derived from the fundamental properties and uses of the Yew.

It is the longest thriving European tree, mostly found in undisturbed lands - such as graveyards; hence the 13th rune’s association with longevity and protection of the dead.

Yew was the wood of choice for the making of the Norseman’s ominous longbows, due to it’s flexibility and strength. In it’s day, the longbow was a most feared and awesome weapon; and when in the hands of a skilled archer, made available the ability to kill, and thereby protect, it’s own from afar. The longbow itself represents the potential energy (tension) contained within the Wolf’s Hook. One’s own ultimate potential, stored and waiting for the skill and discipline of one (pushing the limits of their own personal power) to release this potential resource and focus it into their own kinetic creative force; and to do so, one needs balance.

The 13th rune has long been known as the death rune. Again this relates back to it’s association with the Yew tree. The bark, leaves and berries of the Yew are extremely poisoness, bringing on death when ingested. It’s sap, the tree’s life force, a deep red color; and when cut, resembled a bleeding body. And let us not forget the awesome death rendering longbow, made from the wood of the Yew tree. For a magician, the Wolf’s Hook can be used as a powerful archetypical symbol during a curse (destruction) ritual.

In summation, the Wolf’s Hook symbolizes creative potential, extremes in natural balance, discipline and strength of will, protection and longevity, curse and death..."

- Diana DeMagis